Cullen Moments Last Forever
by TheFlyingNinjaTurtles
Summary: Formerly Cullen Convos. Samme story, different title. just a bunch of random one-shots that dont really relate to anything, written by i-bit-a-pillow and stella turner. R&R pleez. hard to explain. just go read and find out basically. R&R!
1. Jasper and Barack Obama

**BOLD: Stella **_ITALICS: Pillow! **BOLD ITALICS: Stella and Pillow**_

_**Disclaimer:** this is stupid**. but if you didn't already know, we don't own twilight.** OBVIOUSLY!_ **shhh!! let them read the story already!**

Bella POV

"I'm bored. Let's watch TV!" I exclaimed.

"Okay love." Edward said turning on the giant plasma TV on the wall opposite from us in his room.

"And I belie-," Barack Obama said, getting cut off by….JASPER?!?!?!

"Attention Americans. My name is Jasper Hale and I have a HEEE-UUUGGE announcement to make," There was quiet in the audience as they waited in stunned silence. "If you haven't already acknowledged it, I HAVE BEAUTIFUL HAIR! It's so shiny and poofy and wonderfully!" Jasper said while two big men came up behind him. They were wearing black shirts with the word SECURITY printed on them in big white letters.

"It's just so wonder-," Jasper said, getting cut off by the two men grabbing him.

"AAAAAHHHHHH!!!! HHEEEELLLPPPP!!!!!!! MY HAIR SHALL HAVE IT'S REVENGE!!!!!!" Jasper yelled, making a scene.

"Sure it will," one of the security guards said sarcastically.

"FIRE!!!!!!" Jasper shouted, and with that, there were the rest of the Cullens, firing at people with paintball guns.

And, for some crazy reason, me and Edward got paintballed. Through the TV. And so did Stephen Harper.

"So that's where they all were!" I yelled, realising why the house had been so quiet.

I got curious of why I got paintballed, so I stuck my finger into the TV and got sucked into an episode of the Care Bears.

_A/N - Pillow:_ _So, what did you think?, if you liked this, you'll love our other stories - hint hint - **REVIEWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!**_ **PLEASE.**

_**Luv ya!3 - Pillow and Stella.**_


	2. Who's afraid of the Big Bad Bunny?

**Well, here is our first joint**_(hehehe, you said joint.)_**(you are so immature)**_( your point being?)_** fanfic. Well, we think it's really going to end up as a series of crackfics when we're finished, but whatever. That's what happen when two really random twilight /fanfic obsessees talk on the phone for a couple hours. They get ideas that don't make much sense until you get more detail. Then you're like,"So how did that pop into your head?" Then they say,"Because it did. Ha!"**

**Disclaimer: Well Stephenie certainly wouldn't write something like this, would she?**

"Ooh! A costume! And it's pink! And FUZZY! Ooh, and soft, too." Alice squealed to Emmett as she pulled out a pale pink furry costume from the rack and rubbed it against her cheek.

"You just have to try this one on Emmy-poo." She put on her best puppy dog eyes.

"Fine." Alice smiled at her triumph as Emmett went into the fitting room.

After fussing with the fabric for a few seconds so it fit, Emmett came out to show Alice. But as he walked out he saw a glimpse of the outfit in the mirror and grimaced momentarily, then looked at it more thoroughly and decided he actually liked it.

"Oh, Alice! I love it! It's all fuzzy and it has EARS! Please buy it for me!" Emmett exclaimed excitedly to her and did his own puppy dog eyes as best he could, whilst wearing a bunny costume.

"Okay, Emmy-poo. The costume suits you. Now take it off so we can pay for it."

"But-but I don't want to!" Emmett whined.

"Well, I guess we'll be able to buy it anyways. Come on."

Emmett walked beside Alice and right up to the cashier, who had never seen someone like Emmett in a pink, fuzzy costume with bunny ears. So when he stopped to wait for Alice to pay, she had a beet red face that was crumpled into deep wrinkles in an attempt to keep from laughing. He gave her a weird look. Alice picked Emmett up like he was a feather, and slid him across the bar code scanner thing._( A/N: think of that toilet paper commercial with the little girl that does that, except for a giant pink fluffy bunny)_ Alice payed and they drove home in her Porsche.

When Emmett got out of the car and ran up the driveway carrying an armful of shopping bags, Jasper looked out the window and saw his outfit, paused momentarily, then disappeared from sight as he fell onto the floor in a fit of laughter that Emmett could hear as if it was right beside him.

_Why is he laughing at my awsomeness? I bet he's just jealous. _Emmett thought, and continued to put the bags in Alice's room.

He just exited the house when Bella and Renesmee ran out of the woods with huge grins stretching over their faces.

"Get the bunny!" Bella shouted and they lept onto him. Then Jasper and Rosalie appeared on the porch laughing so hard they were holding their stomachs.

"Attack! Get him! The bunny must cease to exist!!!! Kill the evil mascot!" Renesmee yelled, and Rosalie and Jasper joined the ambush.

"Ah! Get off! Go get your own bunny costume if you love it so much!" Emmett yelled from the middle of the advancing vampires. "Why do you always ruin my awsomeness?!"

"Emmett, honey. We are not jealous of your bunny costume," Rosalie laughed as she tore off the fluffy tail to reveal a patch of blue and pink boxers with the words " I Love Hannah Montana' on them._**( A/N: we hate hannah/miley)**_ Rosalie gasped."Emmett?!" She whined."I thought you loved ME!"

"Uncle Emmett has ugly Hannah Montana underpants! I can never watch that show and feel the same way again!" Renesmee laughed from on top of Emmett's head where she was ripping off the ears. Everybody laughed and she could hear the others in the house laughing, too.

"Don't insult her! She is a work of Disney magic! If you want to insult someone, insult MILEY CYRUS!" Emmett yelled.

"THEY'RE THE SAME PERSON!" Everyone except Emmett yelled in unsion.

"Nobody understands me!!!!!!!" Emmett whined.

"The big bad Emmett has Hannah Montana underpants, a liking for pink bunnies, and singing to the Spice Girls!" Rosalie taunted and ripped off one of the sleeves. "Oh, that's right Emmett. I know about your wonderful singing and CD's!" They laughed harder.

Soon Emmett was standing in the driveway in nothing but his Hannah Montana underwear and a Hannah Montana shirt with a picture of Hannah's face plastered on it. All over it. The rest of his siblings, including Edward and Alice who had come out to see the action, stood back to observe their work. At first there was silence, other than Emmett's complaints about his wonderful costume. Then the air was filled with booming laughter they all collapsed on the ground laughing holding their stomachs.

"What?" Emmett asked innocently. Carlisle pulled up behind him in his car.

"Umm. . . Did I miss something?" Carlisle aked.

"Gosh, NO! Of course not!" Emmett replied sarcastically.

"I did, didn't I?"

"Yup," Emmett said, popping the P.

**(Stella) Okay. If you are wondering about the bunny or the TMNT underwear**_(it was originally TMNT, but I changed it to Hannah Montana for the heck of it. i hate that girl.)_**. . . the bunny was from a phone call to pillow, and the TMNT is from our name, except that's not why we chose our name. pillow has an obsession with the name TheFlyingNinjaTurtles**_(Blame Shelby!_ **(why shelby why?!?!?!)** _She was the one who asked me to run around with her screaming " help me! i'm a Ninja turtle!". That's when the obsession started. which is weird, cuz i don't like the show.....)_** for some unknown reason. I'm sure I'll find out. . . . eventually. (okay, so we know now. . . ) But when I do it probably will be for a really random reason, as we both are random, pillow more than me, though, obviously (and it was random) Sorry about the length, I couldn't stretch it out longer. . . . . **

**REVIEW!! REVIEW!! REVIEW!! REMEMBER THE HAPPY DANCES!!**_ YES YES! DO REMEMBER THEE._

_FIRST REVIEW GET SPECIAL GUEST APPEARANCE IN CHAPTER! WE TAKE ONE SHOT REQUESTS, so tell us if there is something you want done, in a review form._

_**luvs n' hugs**_


	3. THE AVOCADOES ARE COMING!

**BOLD: Tater **_ITALICS: Pillow! **BOLD ITALICS: Stella and Pillow**_

**(Stella) sorry everyone that this one took so long to put up, but i had a little-** _LITTLE?!?!?!_**-OKAY! it was big. i had, umm, trouble with my parents. let's just say that the police were involved (and NO it was not that i was brought home by them) and these past 2 weeks i haven't been living in my own house. . . **

_(Pillow) and then right after that happened i went on vacation somewhere in Asia. _

_**Disclaimer:** are still stupid**. but if you didn't already know, we don't own twilight.** _

Bella POV

"Oh my GOD! WHO WILL SAVE ME!?!?!!?!" I yelled, running around with my arms flailing.

"So......you got any idea what's up with her?" Edward asked Alice casually. They were both watching in amusement as I ran around my room. Then I exited and ran into the living room after falling down the stairs.

"Nope. You?" Alice answered.

"Not the slightest idea," Edward said staring at me.

"HEEEEELLLLLLPPPPPPPP MMMMMEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!" I hollered crazily. I even think my eyes went all loopy and twirly. . .

"You didn't let her drink espresso again did you?" Alice asked worriedly.

"No. Not after what happened last time. God, she acted like a cat on crack," Edward said, shuddering at the memory._(Pillow: that was a reference to one of pleasebiteme's stories.)_

"Good. You don't want to know what this time would be like," Alice answered.

"WHO SHALL SAVE ME FROM THE EVIL FRUITY DEMONS!!!!!!!!" I shrieked, running in circles, arms flailing.

"Red Bull?" Alice asked.

"Nope," Edward said.

"You sure you didn't give her any sugar?" Alice said concerned.

"Yep. All she had was a bowl of Froot Loops. And that was three hours ago. She's mostly been drinking milk. She had an apple too. It looked so disgusting, I don't know how she eats that stuff. It's revolting!"

"SOMEBODY HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!! I NEED TO ESCAPE THE FRUITY DEMONS FROM PERU!!!!!!" I exclaimed. Why was no one helping me?!?!?!

"So.....should we just ask her what's wrong?" Edward said.

"Sure," Alice said, getting up to catch me.

"Bella, love, what's wrong? Who's coming to get you?" Edward asked sweetly.

"THE AVOCADOES! THEY'RE COMING TO GET ME IN MY SLEEP!" I cried, tears streaming down my face.

"Bella, the avocadoes are not coming to get you," Edward announced calmly.

"YES THEY ARE! YOU JUS - HOH! YOU'RE ONE OF THEM!!!!!! YOU'RE THEY'RE LEADER! IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW!" I roared angrily, pointing my finger accusingly at Edward.

"Not to me..." Alice said quietly, rolling her eyes.

"YOU JUST NEEDED TO TELL THEM WHERE I WAS! GET AWAAAAYYYYY!!!!!" I yelled, running out the door of my house.

"So..........you wanna go shopping?" Alice asked as cries of " THE AVOCADOES ARE COMING!" echoed through the street after i escpaped my house through the open door.

"Sure," Edward said, and with that, Alice and Edward jumped into the Porsche and drove away.

While they were off shopping, Bella got taken to the station for public mischief. She explained how the avocadoes were evil and they needed to be arrested. Thinking his daughter was crazy, Charlie refused, explaining how fruits don't have emotions and can't feel anger or be evil and diabolical, only to have Bella get very frustrated and she started to act like a three year old.

Not wanting to upset Bella further, Charlie bought two avocadoes, and brought them back to the station. Bella put a handcuff on each and threw them into a cell. Bella was sent home, against Charlies better judgement. He had been debating whether or not his daughter was sane, through the entire time. And was now complately torn on the verge of insanity himself over the decision.

_A/N: That was supposed to be just a three liner, but i kinda got off course. _**(No surprise there)**_ anyway......REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! and the cat on crack thing was a reference to one of pleasebiteme's stories._

_**Luv ya!3 - Pillow and Stella.**_


	4. Attempted 3way calling

**DISCLAIMER: BLAH BLAH BLAH. . . . WE DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT HOW MANY TIMES DO WE HAVE TO SAY THIS?!?!?!?!**

BPOV

I sat on my bed reading Wuthering Heights. . . again, when the phone rang. I jumped up, and being myself, I tripped over absolutely nothing and landed on my face. I stood up carefully and snatched the phone forcefully, putting it ot my ear.

"Hello?" I asked into the phone, having missed the caller ID.

"Good evening, love," the unmistakable voice said over the phone. Edward.

"Oh, hi Edward! Sorry, I was just running for the phone and-."

"You tripped and fell on your face. Am I right?" There was beeping from the phone, I guess I pressed a few buttons accidentally.

"Yes. How did you-Alice! Right!" I heard laughing on the other end of the phone. Why would Edward be laughing at me? He never laughed at me when I got "hurt". "Edward? Are you there?"

"Yes, love," Edward replied. I breathed out.

"Why were you laughing at me?" I asked.

"What? I wasn't laughing at you. Why would you think that?"

"I heard laughing. Who else would it be?" Suddenly, there was an outburst from the other end of the phone that I knew certainly wasn't Edward.

"Stupid phone! What a piece of crap. It's making me hear voices again," a husky voice cursed some more. There was more beeping and I pulled the phone away from my ear. The screen caught my eye. It said "Conference". There was more beeping on the other end of the phone. I recognized that voice.

"JACOB?!?!" Edward and I yelled into the phone, and if I wasn't yelling, too, it would have hurt my ears. I heard a shreik from Jacob. Well it was actually more of an extremely high-pitched scream. It sounded like a little tone-deaf five year old trying to sing opera. I cringed. Forget hurting my ears. They were bleeding!

"THE VOICES! THEY'RE BACK! AAHH!!" Was Jacob's witty reply, followed by him screaming some more. I could just picture him running around in circles and flailing his arms at the same time. I couldn't help myself. I laughed. . . . and laughed and laughed and laughed.

Soon I was doubled over on the floor holding my stomach. I was laughing so hard, I didn't notice when the phone became quiet again.

"Is she okay?" Jacob asked.

"Yes. You just sent her over the edge in your last comment," Edward replied.

"Okay. But are you sure it's not something. . . . more? She's been laughing for a long time now."

"She's just laughing really hard, that's all. Don't worry, she's not insane."

"Yet," Jacob added in a straight-faced tone. I could tell he was smiling, though.

"Get off the phone, Jacob."

"No."

"Don't act like a five year old, and don't scream like one, either."

"No, I won't get off the phone. Is that better?" Jacob said mockingly.

"I guess."

"Hey! Do you hear something?"

Silence.

"Bella! You're not crazy!" Jacob exclaimed over the phone. I pursed my lips. I was not crazy. "See! This is what happens when you hang around with vampires! YOU GO CRAZY!!!"

"Umm, yeah. Seriously. Did you even hear yourself a couple minutes ago?! You sounded like a phsycopath! What were you doing on the phone in the first place?"

"Umm. . . trying to dial a number. . ."

"You're getting dumber and dumber these days. You know that?"

"Wellllll it wouldn't WORK!! THE PHONES ARE PLOTTING AGAINST ME!! AAAAHHH!!"

"You're so. . . . ugh!" I said, bursting at the sides with laughter, I could hear Edward's tinkling laughter in my ear, and couldn't hold it in any longer. I laughed."HAHAHAHA!! HA-AAAAHHHH!!! OW OW OW OW!!"

"What happened?" Edward asked.

"Are you alright?" Jacob asked

"I fell down the stairs," I muttered bluntly, my cheeks turning three different shades of red. I blushed even harder when Jacob guffawed; he sounded like an elephant. Wait. That wasn't Jacob!

"Hey Bells!"

"EMMETT?!?!?!"

_FIRST REVIEW GET SPECIAL GUEST APPEARANCE IN THE NEXT CHAPTER! WE TAKE ONE SHOT REQUESTS, so tell us if there is something you want done, in a review form._

_**luvs n' hugs**_


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